Sunday, June 19, 2005

The Inner Workings

As a child I spent a lot of time expressing myself through art. I used to love to draw and paint, write stories, poems and songs -- anything where I could just create. I remember a wall hanging I made for my room once out of old wire hangers. I was so creative as a child. I guess with growing up and getting involved in life and everything I just kind of forgot about that part of me. I feel a bit like I've lost the fire, that passion, for anything, really. When I was young, I wanted to change the world. I started a new club every week -- from poetry clubs to service clubs to "Save the Manatees" clubs. I wanted to be the first woman president. I wanted to work with handicapped children. I wanted to write novels and design houses. I wanted to dance, to sing, to paint. I've just gotten so caught up in everything else in life... but what does the "everything else" even mean? I've forgotten who I am.

So I'm going to make an effort to rediscover myself. To find that person in me who CARES, who knows what really matters. And I'm going to try writing again. That's scary to me. It exposes me and makes me feel vulnerable. But I have to expose myself... to remove the layers of the cocoon to find that part of me.

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