Sunday, July 03, 2005


I am a runner, by nature.
Never running towards,
Just always running away.
It's like my preemptive strike,
My way of saving face,
Before everything goes wrong
Or just gets too boring.
Because that's inevitably what happens
If I don't get away.
I've always been sure of it.

My friends like to say I'm brave
For leaving everything behind
And starting all over
Every time I go somewhere new.
I don't get too close to anyone,
I don't find my rut,
And I get to experience the world:
Where's the bravery in that?
They talk about courage and taking risks,
But that's no risk.

The risk is sticking around
To see the next chapter or two.
It's taking a chance on the hope
That what's good now
Will still be good tomorrow.
Now that's courage.
Because running away
Is easier than dealing with pain.
And always running away,
Well there's no bravery there.

In all the running I've done,
I've left a lot behind.
And looking back I mostly think
That's been a good thing.
But maybe now I've found
An okay place in my life.
And maybe I should stop and rest,
At least for awhile.
I'll probably still get antsy and scared,
But it's worth it to stay.

So I'm putting away the runner in me
And pushing out the urges to close up.
It's scary and risky and exposes me
To vulnerability and pain.
But then that's true courage, isn't it?
It's not a lack of fear and worry,
But fear in the face of danger.
It's knowing you're afraid of doing something,
And doing it anyway,
Because you know it has to be done.

Where will running get me anyway?
I can only go so far
Until I hit the end of the line
Or run out of fumes.
And when I look back
I don't want to see what I missed.
I want to see what I enjoyed,
What I loved and learned and experienced.
So I'm going to stop missing things
And stay put.

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