From The Daily Show:
"This whole [Egyptian] revolution was started by a Facebook page. So Mubarak wasn't so much deposed as de-friended."
"I'm so unaccustomed to protests in the Middle East that don’t have 'Death To America' signs. I don’t know what to do."
---Rep. Anthony Weiner on Real Time
"President Obama hosted Republican leaders for lunch at the White House. Obama had to do without salt, bread, pepper, and butter, but not for health reasons. The Republicans refused to pass anything."
"For the very first time, a majority of likely 2012 Republican primary voters do not believe that Barack Obama is an American citizen. Fifty-one percent! I'm just so proud to have been born in a country where unsubstantiated rumors about people you don’t support become majority beliefs."
"Joe Biden announced plans for a $53 billion train system. … Vice presidents love technology: Joe Biden with the trains, Al Gore with the Internet, and Dick Cheney with the electric torture clamps."
"A man from Ohio is being called the 'Amish Bernie Madoff' for swindling Amish families out of millions of dollars. People became suspicious when they saw his horse pulling a Lamborghini."